Its nice to know you work alone
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: Elliot moved away... now 7 months later, he's back and expects things to fall back into old habits, but Liv has a secret that could shatter the lives of everyone around her. : OHHHH what could it be!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I got the idea from another FF that worked similarly. But mine, I promise is NOT plagiarism. I changed A LOT. But I loved her FF SO much that the ideas started flowing. I hope that __**TStabler**__ is NOT offended but honored. After all, only good work is worth taking… but since I promised I didn't STEAL the story, I liked the idea that Olivia lost him and works alone; I hope I didn't offend her. _

_I hope you like where I'm going :)_

Olivia Benson worked alone.

Once she had a partner, a best friend, a confidant.

But that all changed.

When she had been assigned a new partner, she wrecked havoc. She made mistakes purposely, until it became so overwhelming that her assigned partner asked for someone new. Olivia didn't mind, she liked it better that way. It hurt less. She found that concentrating on work was easier when she wasn't looking at someone else for back-up. She was on her own, at home and at work.

It had been 7 months to the day, since Elliot Stabler had told her he was moving his family to Australia. Kathy had insisted on a change. The kids had wanted the change too, there had been no protest of unhappiness, except on Olivia's part, and she had kept it to herself. When he made the announcement, she felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. But she told him, she was happy for him, that Kathy deserved his devotion to her, after all that he had put her through. She didn't cry, when he stood by her apartment door and said his goodbyes, wishing her the best. She didn't tell him she'd miss him, or how her working with him was her whole life. She didn't tell him that she would die if they were separated, or how much she had fallen in love with him over the past 12 years of partnership.

She just let him go.

As far as she knew, he remained in the police force, in special Victims Unit, working in a precinct in Sydney, Australia.

The calls came from Elliot, regularly at first, sometimes daily, then weekly… fortnightly… and after a while they came as frequently as once a month, before they stopped all together. Now she didn't speak to him at all, now he was gone and she doesn't even know where to find him. His number had been disconnected, and when making the discovery, her heart had been broken… not just broken, but shattered. It was better that way, she reminded herself, it hurt less.

Another day working the case alone, she found herself examining the body of a man in his late 20's. She didn't feel much these days, she didn't feel for the victim, and she had no emotion toward the perp. All she felt was numbness. She liked that, it was better than the ache that had remained buried somewhere in her stomach, for the first three months of Elliot's departure.

"Liv," Cragen's voice called from the top of the hill.

She turned to look at him, staying nothing. She spoke now, only when she needed to. She lost her spark. She made no jokes, yelled at no one. Her voice remained at a constant monotone, which some decided was worse than yelling or crying.

"Can I have a word," he requested.

She pulled off her gloves and handed them to Melinda Warner, the M.E who was at the scene, a girl who she once considered a friend, before she withdrew from the world's population.

"Do you mind if we do this down at the station?" he asked.

Olivia frowned. "Can it wait until I've finished examining the body?"

"Not really," he looked serious, and Olivia hadn't the strength to debate the issue.

She followed him to the Sedan and climbed in beside him, quite as he drove them back to precinct.

_If you have read others of mine, you will know instantly. I LOVE cliff-hangers, it draws in the readers… I feel the same. If you are interested in finding out what Cragen wants to talk to her about, then post a review and let me know Sorry this chapter was boring, set ups usually are :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Hope you like the next chapter… :)_

Back at the precinct Olivia felt overwhelmed at the prospect of facing whatever the Captain had lined up. Her stomach seemed to knot in anticipation. He opened the door for her and gestured for her to step inside, she did so, and her hand went straight to her pounding heart as she saw the familiar face standing beside her.

He was standing there. REALLY standing there. It wasn't some image she had concocted in her head, it wasn't another dream she had envisioned while she slept, or a piece of her mind playing cruel tricks. No this was him. Elliot Stabler. The man who had been missing in action!

She couldn't even manage a smile, it almost ended as a grimace she could imagine her attempt to smile made her look hideous but for once she didn't care. This time she had no illusions about impressing him, he was just here and for now, so was she, breathing the same air, invading the same space… for as long as it took him to run again.

"Are you going to say anything?" Elliot directed at Olivia when she remained mute after passing moments.

She struggled to stand on her feet, her knees knocking together as she trembled before him, words hadn't crossed her lips yet, they'd only flashed momentarily across her mind.

A deep breath gave her a clear head.

"Why are you here?" she asked bluntly. There had been no friendly hello, or kind gesture, no greeting in a warm embraced hug, just a question that had been wearing on her lips since he'd been gone.

Elliot stood back, stunned by her new-found attitude. She was bitter, and it did not go unnoticed.

"I'm just visiting," he replied.

Olivia shrugged. "Good for you."

"Liv…" he sighed.

She shook her head. "Don't."

Cragen's hand rested on her shoulder.

"Why are you so cold?" he asked bluntly, he never was one for keeping his opinion to himself.

"Because you're an ass!" she snapped bitterly. She turned to the Captain. "Am I done here?"

Cragen looked at Elliot and back to Olivia. "Yeah, Liv… you're done here."

She took that as her cue to leave, slamming the office door behind her for empasis.

Trembling outside the door, she felt herself begin to falter, but she made her exit determined to get away from here before Elliot saw the devastation he had left in his wake. She still had her pride, even if he had taken everything else with him. She was holding on tight to it…

_I would LOVE a review or two… I'll do a swap, 5 reviews for a chapter… :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you to those who have taken an interest in this story… I myself, like it, so thanks for the support and the desire to continue with it. :)_

Olivia knew she had acted irrational, but she didn't care, not this time. She knew the pain that Elliot had left her in, and understood that if she depended on him for a single moment she would resort back to old habits… she might even become emotionally immobile.

"I hate you…" she muttered, talking to no one in particular as she paced the floor of her apartment. "Stupid man… why did you bother to come back," it was the liveliest she had been since Elliot had moved to Australia and the most words she had said aloud to herself since his departure.

Unsure of what to do with herself she flicked on the TV.

A knock on the door, stirred her from her thoughts, she switched the TV off and went over to answer it.

"Who is it?" she asked cautiously. She lived in NEW YORK. Nothing was safe.

"Me," the voice answered.

Her heart gave a tug. "EL?"

"Yeah, open the door!' he demanded.

The anger rose in her throat like vile.

"Rack off, El. I'm NOT interested."

"Open the door, woman!" his tone was firm and hard.

The urge to hit him was too overwhelming, every fiber of her being seized her body with an anger and disappointment she had never felt before. He was going to kill her, metaphorically of course, if she allowed herself to dwell in thoughts of him, whether it be anger or hurt. He would destroy her… what was left of the shell she had been anyway.

"Please," she pleaded through the wood of the closed door, as the tears caressed her cheeks. "Go away."

When he responded, his tone was gentler, and less harsh. "Open the door, we need to talk… Liv, open the-"

She crossed the floor and wiped her eyes, removing any trace that he upset her to point of tears. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he could hurt her. It was her secret… and the unspoken words between the rest of the squad when he was off with his family in another state.

She pulled open the door before he managed to finish his sentence.

He stood there, dripping wet. Had it been raining out? She hadn't noticed. Her heart tugged wildly in her chest. Damn it. After all this time, even among the anger, she managed to find him the most beautiful man alive.

"You've got some explaining to do…" he stated brushing past her without permission to enter her home.

Olivia rolled her eyes, and shut the door behind him.

"I think you should re-evaluate your move, Detective Stabler, and remove yourself from my property, unless you want the charge of breaking and entering."

He met her eyes. "Liv… what the HELL is going on?"

"You need to leave," she repeated.

She struggled to hold the wall up between them, she could feel it crashing around her feet, as she mentally added more bricks, frantically trying to protect herself. Until he had left, she had always considered herself a strong woman, but his absence had said something to the contrary. His absence had shown her what life was like on her own. It wasn't a pretty vision.

"I'm not going anywhere," his feet remained grounded and he stubbornly folded his arms across his torso, she caught a glimpse of his muscles through the white shirt that clung soaking to his upper body. Had he been working out? God, he was beautiful…

"Don't do this to me," she begged pleadingly.

"Do what?" he asked with innocence.

The anger rose again. "How dare you… pretend… that you play the victim here. You've been gone for seven months, and you have the nerve to come back here and expect me to-"

"I expect you to act like a human being. What the hell did I do to you, that made you act like such a…" he didn't finish the words.

"I'm not the same woman you left, El. I'm NOT the same detective who would have eagerly looked at you and smiled when you walked through the door after SEVEN months of nothing."

"I called you…" he pointed out.

"Yeah," she laughed bitterly. "You did, and I have no right to expect anything else from you, but the fact remains that I do… I expect a lot more. I expected you to give me a mile, and what you gave me was an inch. I expect-"

Elliot was shaking his head. "I don't understand what I did."

"You never do," she shrugged bitterly.

"Liv…" he was trying desperately to understand where she was coming from.

"Why are you here?" she demanded.

"I came to see you… it's been… too long. I missed you. CLEARLY, you don't feel the same!" a stroke a pain washed across his face, and she flinched. It seemed that some things didn't change. His pain was still hers.

"Don't assume to tell me how I feel," she warned.

"Then TELL me, damn it! What happened to you… why are you so bitter and angry. Did something happen?" he guessed.

"You could say that," she replied. _You could say that since you've been gone my whole life shattered. My world changed. My heart broke. _

"Tell me more…" he sighed.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she responded.

"Why not?"

"Because I… I-" she had nothing.

Elliot took a few steps toward her, and cautiously his hand reached out to stroke her cheek, she pulled back as if he had struck her across the face in a violent rage. The feel of his touch, the warmth that flooded through her body was overwhelming. It hurt. It hurt because she knew in a matter of time, he would leave again, and she would retort back to the dark shadow of her former self. The woman who said nothing to anyone… who ordered take-out for dinner and took a forkful before she threw the rest in the trash bin… the woman who was dying without him.

"I wasn't going to hurt you," he assured her.

"I know," she breathed heavily.

"Liv…"

"Please go," she requested.

He hung his head, and nodded. "This isn't over," he assured her.

A moment later he crossed the room and closed the door behind him.

_I hope you liked it. Drop me a review if you want more… I don't work well without enforcements. Lol. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_I think I'm going to add a twist in here… just a small one, that will come when you least expect it… yes, a twist… mmm, something that changed the course of their relationship to the current point… yes, a twist… do go on my lil readers… :)_

The next time Olivia walked into the precinct, her legs trembled. She didn't want to have to run into Elliot again. She was hoping that he'd got the subtle hint and returned to Australia. But her heart leapt when she realized he was sitting at his desk, like he had never left. She felt angry again. His chair had been vacated for seven months, for seven months she had screamed vocally at anyone who attempted to steal his chair, anyone who wanted to remove his belongings… the little he had left behind. Now, here he was, positioned in the chair that was once his, and she wanted to scream at him for taking it. It was unreasonable she knew it, every rational thought in her head, removed.

"Hey," he smiled when he looked up.

She slammed her breakfast on the desk, and glared at him. "I thought you'd be gone by now," she stated, her words cold and bitter.

He shrugged. "I thought you would have changed your mood a bit."

She shook her head and left him sitting there, as she crossed the room to Cragen's office. She slammed the door behind her. "Tell him to leave!" she ordered.

"I can't do that," Cragen answered, his voice as calm as ever.

"Captain…" she pleaded. "I can't work with him."

"I never asked you to," he pointed out. "And just for the record, this is the most you've said to me in months… if Elliot can make you talk, then I want him here, I NEED him here… because frankly, your new attitude since he's been gone, has been of great concern. Olivia, you need to talk to him, whatever happened between the two of you before he left, whatever happened to make you-"

"Nothing happened," she denied. The expression on her face said otherwise.

"I don't believe you," he said firmly. "But nevertheless, I have seen you give up, not just at your job, but at life itself… you have basically been living the motions, but not living. I can't stand by and watch that anymore. So you talk to Elliot!"

"Captain," she argued.

"I'm finished with this discussion!"

Olivia stared at him in disbelief. How could he do this to her? He said himself that he'd watched how utterly hopeless her life had become, how could he throw her into the fire to be consumed?

"Captain, this won't be good for me," she promised.

He shrugged in answer. "It can't be much worse than your current behavior. And since you are so determined to push this, I want you working together… bring him up to speed on the Wallis case."

Her mouth curved into an O.

"Out of my office," he ordered. "You have things to do."

Olivia slammed the door behind her, and everyone at the precinct looked up from their desks. She ignored it and walked back to her desk. She pulled in her chair and looked down at the case file, having no intention of saying a single word to Elliot Stabler.

Minutes passed.

"Am I expected to get used to the silent treatment?" he asked.

Olivia scoffed.

"Is that the best you got?"

She snapped her head up. "Damn it, Elliot! I don't want to discuss this."

"Too bad," he shot back. "You are going to have to get over it eventually, you can't ignore me forever."

"Watch me!"

He sighed and buried his head in paperwork for a while.

Cragen called Elliot to his office.

When he came out again, and joined Olivia at the desk, he looked shocked. Something on his face read differently. He was surprised… almost sad.

"What?" she asked skeptically.

"Cragen told some interesting news…" he pondered.

"What did he say?" her stomach instantly swarmed.

He hesitated.

"Elliot…"

"He told me that you haven't been doing so well... without me."

Her heart went into overdrive, and for a moment she couldn't catch her breath.

"What do you mean?" she said tucking her hair behind her ears. Playing dumb was the only card she had left to play.

Elliot stared at her for a full minute before he answered. "You didn't tell me," he said looking hurt. "You didn't tell me how much pain you were in, when I called you acted like everything was fine, that life without me was-"

"Don't flatter yourself!" she snapped, pulling up her defenses.

"Why can't you just talk to me…" he pleaded.

Olivia shook her head. It hurt just looking at him.

"I'm going home," she stood from the desk and pushed back her chair. "Tell Cragen I'll see him in the morning."

"Liv…" he called.

She ignored him and with high running emotions she found herself leaving the precinct in a hurry.

_I hope you are annoyed with Liv, that's MY feelings too._

_Hope you like this… I REALLY like this; I'm enjoying the flow… I hope you are too. Drop me a line and tell me so, and I shall post another chapter. The twist is coming soon… be patient my lil lovely readers… :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_THANK YOU for the awesome reviews and the want to continue this, I love each and every one of you. YAY for E/O!_

Olivia pressed the END button on her phone for the umpteenth time. It was Elliot. He had been trying to call her since she'd left the precinct more than six hours ago. It was coming on dinner time, and she was feeling drained, both emotionally and physically. All she wanted to do was know when he was back in Australia, so her nerves could take a break.

Instead, he had been driving her crazy with the need to communicate, despite her attempt to shut him out.

As the wait dragged on, she found her thoughts changing. What was she doing? This wasn't Olivia! She didn't behave like this, she wasn't a drama queen. Her life was surrounded with drama that she struggled to rid. But in emotions, she had always been stronger than that, she was always determined to keep them to herself, to shut out the world of her pain.

She had to stop acting like a child. The past was done, and it couldn't be changed nor could Elliot's choices. It was time to grow up.

When morning came, Olivia's perception on life was different.

At her desk, Elliot dropped a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she said casually without looking up. "I put the case file on your desk… Cragen told me to bring you up to speed on the Wallis case, so…"

He sat down. "Thanks," he frowned. He was unsure what had changed.

"All the information is in there, ask questions when you're done," she stood from the desk. "I am going to catch a few Z's."

Olivia went into the Crib to catch some shut eye. She found herself drifting off soon enough, which said a lot considering her sleep patterns had wreck havoc with her the last seven months.

When she opened her eyes again, she felt someone watching her, and when she looked up Elliot was standing in the doorway, a small smile on his face.

"What?" she asked instantly feeling self-conscious.

"I forgot how beat-" he stopped talking.

She blushed. She knew what he was going to say. She pulled herself up to a sitting position, and wiped the sleep from her eyes, before brushing down her hair with her hand. "Did you read the case file?"

"Yeah," he said her eyes unmoving from hers. He seemed to stare right through her.

"Stop that," she warned.

He looked away. "What?" he pretended to play innocent.

Olivia ignored it. "Any questions…"

"Yeah,"

"About the case!" she stressed.

He hesitated. "No,"

"Then we're done," she rose from the cot and waltzed back into the bullpen.

He reluctantly followed her.

_Yeah, yeah I know it's short… you'll get the next one when I get the reviews… hehehehe *snickers evilly* :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to leave a review. I am grateful. So enjoy the next chapter and have fun FANFIC-ing :) _

A week passed.

Slowly Elliot and Olivia's partnership seemed to find solid ground, it was by no means the same as it used to be, and neither of them had the expectations of it heading into that direction, ever again, but at least they were able to remain professional and light. Secrets were well hidden from each other now.

Olivia wanted to ask why he didn't return to Australia to be with his family, but she was afraid that once she did he might very well return, and she liked having him around again, even if she wasn't quite ready to let him in. Her emotions were intact, but she felt them rising whenever he was in the same room.

Elliot insisted driving her home one night, and while she fought him as best she could, in the end, he took her by the arm and dragged her out of the precinct and into his car, as if he was arresting a perp. She struggled, but he won in the end. She buckled her seatbelt and pouted as he drove her to her apartment.

Elliot pulled the car to a stop and turned to Olivia. She didn't move. She knew she should have gone inside, anything from here on in, would have only meant trouble, but she couldn't manage to make her feet cooperate. Something held her back. Her eyes met his and she held his gaze.

"Why did you leave?" she whispered. She hadn't known she'd spoken until the words were out of her mouth, and even then she wasn't sure she wanted to take them back.

He didn't answer right away. "I couldn't stay," he responded. He watched her for a moment, his eyes drinking her in, she could feel it, and it made her tense. He seemed to hesitate before he leaned across the driver's seat to brush a loose strand of her hair from her face. She flinched, and he instantly retracted. "I wanted to stay," he told her.

"Why didn't you?" she demanded, her voice still low but now forceful.

"You left me no choice, how could I stay when you-"

"Don't you dare blame me," she said shaking her head. "You had a choice, El, you didn't have to go. You CHOSE to go. You moved your family to another state, just so you could get away from me." She was deeply hurt.

His eyes glassed over. "I didn't leave you… it wasn't you I was leaving, it was- it was me."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

"I was trying to escape myself, Liv. I…" he threw his hands in the air. "I messed it up. I know I did, and I'm sorry, but I… I didn't see another way for this to work. I was desperate." He lowered his head as if he held ashamed.

"I didn't… if you and I… if things had been different, would you have packed up and moved to Australia?" she had to know. If in another reality, the choice had been different, would she have lost him?

"I hope not," he answer was simple with a lot of heart.

"Why are you here now?" she held her gaze again, determined to get an honest answer.

He flinched, as if the answer hurt.

_I might take some time gathering new ideas, so don't stress, I'm not abandoning the story. In the meantime, if you have ANY ideas you'd like me to add in, post a review. Until then, enjoy Fanfic-ing and let me know what you thought of this chapter!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I'm really enjoying this story. I hope you guys are too._

After a long time of silence, and no answer to her question, Olivia spoke again.

"Do you wanna come up?" she didn't know what possessed her to ask such a question, and she knew it meant trouble, but the thought of being alone now, made her feel sick. She wanted him with her.

He looked at her for a long time before he responded. "I don't think I should," he said regretfully.

"No, probably not," she lowered her head, hiding her eyes from him so he didn't see the disappointment. She tucked her hair behind her ears and looked out the window, not moving.

"Liv?"

"Yeah," she whispered, her eyes scanning the people as they walked by. What were their lives like? Was it complicated for them like it was for her?

"I wanna come up," he said.

Her heart rate increased, as she forced her eyes to his.

"You do?"

"Yes," he nodded evidently. "But if I do…"

"You're afraid."

"Yes. I'm afraid."

Olivia nodded. "I am too."

For a moment neither of them moved, and then Elliot turned off the engine and climbed out of the car. Trembling, Olivia didn't move until her partner came around to open the passenger's door. He held out his hand, and she slowly reached for it.

Neither of them said anything, as they walked the stairs to her apartment building. Olivia unlocked the door and Elliot walked in first. His eyes scanned the room as if it had once been his.

"It feels strange being back, seeing everything the same after…"

"El," she crossed the room to stand before him. "I know what I said then, was-"

He shook his head. "You don't have to explain anything. I understand."

"Do you?" she locked eyes with him, silently begging, pleading with him to understand what had happened between them, what she had said, what she had meant, the hidden meaning behind the words.

"I know I crossed the line between friendship and-"

"No more than I wanted to," she confessed.

"Liv, you don't have to do that," he said. "You don't have to take the blame or feel guilty because I care about you in ways that you don't care about me."

"Oh, but I do…" she laughed bitterly.

He stared at her. "What are you saying?"

She took a deep breath. "I said all that… I said all that because I didn't want to be the one to hold you back. You wanted to go, your family WANTED to go. How could I just tell you that I needed you more? It wasn't my right to ask you, and I didn't want you to…"

"To what?" he demanded.

"I couldn't stand it if you hated me."

Elliot laughed. "I'd never hate you. God, Liv, are you crazy," he touched her face, his fingers tracing her jaw line. She closed her eyes, at the touch of his hand on her. "I missed you…" he whispered.

She managed a weak smile. "I missed you too."

"You really worked alone all this time?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I didn't want anyone that wasn't you."

He stared at her, bewildered, amazed, lovingly…

_Like I've probably told you all a MILLION times, I have a short attention span, so my chapters are always short. But usually they have something fundamental and exciting happening. _

_Post a review and I'll give you another chapter. The next one will have more HEART and EMOTION… promise. :)_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Here's the next chapter, but at WHAT price? LOL. Kidding…_

As they sat positioned on the couch, side by side, a hand reached out to touch her face, and she felt weak as her body responded. She closed her eyes at the touch of his hand. They fluttered open again, and she locked eyes on him.

"You're different," he observed.

She stared cautiously. "Geez," she said sarcastically. "Observant aren't you!"

He smiled and stroked her cheek with his hand. "No, I mean, your eyes, something in your eyes is different…"

"What do you mean?" her heart rate increased. She'd heard about "the eyes being the window to your soul" and she wondered if he could read beneath the lines. If he could see all her secrets and know what had happened to her… all this time.

Elliot seemed to redden with embarrassment. "I used to watch you," he confessed. "We'd be fighting about something, a case or… whatever it was, and you'd be so heated, so angry and you're eyes were blank, when I looked at you."

"You looked at me," she teased.

"I'm a bloke," he replied.

Olivia smiled.

"Now I can read them…" he seemed to smile then, as if that was a good thing.

"What do you see?" she asked titling her head.

"It's desire," he said simply. "I see desire."

Olivia's chest tightened as he leaned in. She flinched and he retracted instantly, as if he had hurt her.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"Don't be," she rose from the couch and began pacing the room. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one, who-"

He stood from the couch too, and crossed over to her. Taking her by the shoulders, he forced her eyes on his. "Listen to me, what happened between us, or what DIDN'T happen, was what it was, and we can't change it. But we can alter the future, Liv, we can change what's happening NOW!"

She thought about it. It was too complicated. She had learnt to let go, she worked alone she felt her heart break at the prospect of being thrown back into old habits. Was she strong enough for that?

No. She wasn't ready to forget everything that had happened why he'd been gone. She wasn't ready to tell him her dark secrets. Her lost causes. And that one crunch that was going to change her life! She wasn't even sure he'd forgive her for it… and she was afraid he wouldn't.

"I don't know if I can do that," she said honestly.

"I think you can," he pressed.

"El…"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to you? Why did you come back?"

"For you," he said matter-of-factly. "I came back because I wanted to- NEEDED to see you."

"Where's Kathy, and the kids, where are-"

Elliot shook his head. "I can't talk about it… not right now!"

Olivia nodded. She understood that at least, because she had her own secrets. Secrets bigger than his, she was sure. "Okay… I get it."

"You really do, don't you?"

"Yes. I- I'm sorry El, for everything I did to you."

He pulled her into his arms and held her. "STOP being sorry," he stated. "It doesn't matter. I'm here now. I'm home. I've got you…"

She pulled him at arm's length. Something compelled her to do so, and he was already making his next move. With the intent of kissing her, he leaned in, but she was too quick to pull away.

"NO!" she screamed.

"Liv…

"NO!" she repeated.

"Why?"

"Because I… I can't right now!"

He nodded as if he understood, but he didn't, she saw it in his eyes.

_Review if you're interested in me continuing…_

_I have a REALLY good idea coming up, no actually its BRILLIANT! _

_Are you interested, and can you GUESS what it might be! THINK… HUGE, life altering, and NO before you ask, she's NOT pregnant!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: More… you wanted more, right? Here is it… the secret won't be revealed in this CHAPTER but the pent up frustration will be understood when you realize what she's keeping to herself._

The pent up frustration, caused high anxiety and when Olivia woke the next morning, rolling over to punch her alarm clock, quite, she considered calling in sick at work. The last thing she wanted to do was go into work and have to face Elliot. Not when she had that dark cloud hovering above her head.

She dragged herself out of bed, as bad as she felt, and forced herself to take a shower.

As she drank her routine OJ, she found herself staring at a blank wall, she could barely focus. Her life was spiraling, she could feel it, and she didn't know what to do to make it stop. As much as she had wanted him the night before, as much as she had wanted everything he did, she had more sense than him.

She would have liked to believe it was for his wife, that she had stopped herself making a HUGE mistake it was his children she would have liked to believe stopped the urge to move closer and bring her arms around his neck, to feel that embrace that she had been longing for most of her adult life. But she knew it was none of those things, it was her secret, and she knew there was no escaping it.

One day soon, she was going to have to tell him.

Something happened to her when she entered the precinct. The pressure of work, of speaking to people, of having to actually care about the victims when nobody cared about her, the anger rose like a volcano in her throat and she did her best to push it down again.

In the Captain's office, Olivia knew that an explosion was just around the corner, she could feel it making its way towards the surface. It's coming. She knew it was, it was just a matter of the wrong word at the wrong time.

"Detective, you need to sort this out with Elliot. Whatever the issue is that the two of you are having, you need to-" Cragen stated.

"Captain, with all due respect, BACK OFF. This doesn't interfere with work and if it does, you have every right to approach me and pull me into line, but right now, I'm telling you that-"

"YOU don't tell ME anything, detective," Cragen looked like he was ready to smash her head into a wall. "I am your Captain and you obey MY orders, not the other way around. I have been tolerable of your behavior for longer than I needed to. Now it's your turn to return the favor, and I'd appreciate it if you were a little more respectful in the matter."

She sighed. "Yes, Captain."

"Good. Now… you have things to do, I'm sure."

Olivia slammed the door behind her.

She didn't stop at her desk, but she went into the CRIB to take a moment to herself. He followed her. Picked himself up from the desk chair and followed her in, hoping to solve the mystery of her behavior the night before, as if there could be another explanation other than just NOT wanting him. He wasn't buying that.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Don't," she warned. "Give me some space."

She knew she should have told him, she should have told him then and there, and she wanted to, but the idea that he would now see her as spoiled was overwhelming. It wasn't who she was it was WHAT she had done that had earned her this reputation for herself. A mistake! An insane mistake that had cost her more than she would have been willing to pay, had she known what it would come to.

Elliot ignored her plea and crossed the room to where she stood.

"DON'T!" she barked pulling her arm away as he reached out to her. "I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be comforted. I just want to be LEFT ALONE!"

He stepped back as if he was slapped, and a moment later, without a word, he left her.

She felt it come up. The vile. The anger. The frustration of the situation she could not longer control. It beat her, the anger, came up like red to a bull. She crossed the room and slammed her fist into the lockers, but it wasn't enough, she pulled the blankets from the cots and threw them on the floor, she throw objects that lay loose, she threw bags that sat neatly in corners. And when she was done, the place looked like it had been burgled, she dropped to the floor and sobbed.

_Dramatic… I know… forgive me. Like I said, when you find out the secret, you'll understand why. Next Chapter comes with a few reviews. :) _


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: THANKS for the reviews guys… you are ALL terrific. _

_Happy Fanfic-ing guys!_

Olivia hit number 1 on her speed dial.

She knew she owed him some kind of explanation for her behavior.

She was trembling as she waited for an answer. She knew that this had to be done face to face, it wasn't a conversation she could have on the phone, even if it would hurt like hell to see the look on his face. It was deserved, she thought. No matter how he saw her later, she had brought this on herself. It had been her choice. Her mistake, and there was no changing it now.

As her thoughts wondered aimlessly, the click of the dial tone told her someone was answering.

"Stabler!"

Her heart pounded.

"Hi… it's me," she answered.

A silence filled the other end of the phone.

"Are you there?" she asked afraid for a moment that he had hung up.

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm afraid if I talk I'll get my head bitten off," he said almost bitterly.

She sighed heavily as she felt her breath catch in her throat. "El, I have to- I have to talk to you. It's important, it's VERY important. Can you meet me somewhere?" she said almost pleadingly.

"Yeah," he answered after a few moments. "Where… where do you wanna meet?"

"Anywhere… my apartment," she said eagerly. In the comfort of her own home might have been slightly easier, in case he stormed out, got too angry to stay.

"Okay," he said. "Are you there now?"

"Yeah."

"Be there soon…" he hung up.

She dropped the phone on the seat beside her and leaned back against the fabric of the couch. It was a long time before he arrived, and she sat stewing over the conversation, imagining his response, or his reaction to her news, to the secret she had carried alone, burdened on her shoulders for more than 2 months.

She would have given anything to feel that sad deep depression of being without him, of missing him, of aching for him… rather than this.

She jumped when she heard the door.

"Damn," she cursed standing from the couch and crossing the room to open the door.

She took a breath before she opened it.

There he stood. Wet from the rain, his hair and clothes soaked through, his shirt hugging itself to his body, showing off more of him than she needed to see. _Oh God help me_, she prayed silently to herself, as she widened the door to let him in.

"Thanks," he muttered stepping into the apartment.

He looked around and walked into the loungeroom, flopping down on the couch, as if this was a comforting home to him, a place of refuge where he came without an invitation. She smiled at the way he did it, he could do anything and she would think it was amazing, she knew that now. No matter what he did, she would love him.

She had loved him for a long time, despite his marriage, his children. She had never made anything of it of course, she had never asked more of him than she needed to, never took more of him than she had a right to. No, he had belonged to Kathy, for all intents and purposes, he had promised his life to her. Olivia respected that.

"So what do you wanna talk about," he said from his position on the couch. "It sounded urgent."

"It is," she said simply lowering herself beside him.

"Okay, well…"

He waited.

"I wanted to say sorry first…" she began. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. Or if… if they think little of me after this. No matter what it is, I just wanted to say that… Oh GOD, El."

He cupped her face gently.

"What is it?" he asked almost pleadingly.

"I made a mistake…" she sighed.

"About what?"

"About you… about- about me, about us?"

He seemed to smile, as his finger traced her jaw-line.

"And what's that?"

"I wanted to ask you to stay, tell you that I-" she stopped then thinking about Kathy, about his children. How could she say the words that had been suppressed for so long when the situation with his family was still the same?

"Tell me what?"

"Why did you come back here?"

He pulled his hand away, dropping it on his lap.

"I couldn't… I couldn't be away from you anymore. I couldn't pretend that I wanted Kathy, and it wasn't fair. I hated you for a long time, for turning me away. For making me choose HER and not you."

Her heart rate increased. _Did he mean that? Oh God, she hoped not. _

_You know me… short chapters, but it means I update quicker than most and there is always SOMETHING in each chapter that grabs the readers… at least I HOPE there is. Lol_

_Review and I shall post more… :)_

_PROMISE the next will tell you WHY he left… and soon will come THE SECRET!_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: I had something in mind… hope you aren't annoyed with this idea, I think it might be appropriate OOC but considering the circumstances, it might be okay. YOU tell me!_

"You hated me?" she questioned as her stomach wrecked havoc.

He nodded shamefully. "It was easier to hate you than to miss you."

"So you came back…" she shifted on the couch, moving slightly closer to him.

"Yeah," he smiled. "I came back because I wanted you to know… that no matter how hard I tried to hate you, I couldn't, I wanted to, I didn't want to miss you. But I did."

The butterflies swarmed.

"And Kathy? Your children… what about- what about them?" she asked.

"I got a divorce," he said it so matter-of-factly that it made her pull back. "Kathy and I talked and we… its better this way. For both of us! We left on good terms and I'll send for the kids in the holidays, they can spend time with me and their old friends here, and- they wanted to stay in Australia for now, we'll see what happens later. I'm still looking for a place here, so…"

Olivia nodded listening intently.

"What am I doing here?" he asked gently.

Her throat closed over at the mere thought of having to explain to him, especially now, when she was in a position to have everything she wanted.

"Liv… I lo-"

She shook her head, and pressed a finger to his lips. "Don't say it… don't tell me."

"Why not?" he challenged. "Why don't you want to know?"

"I have to tell you first," she choked. "I have done something irreversible… I don't know what to do, El… I never- I never thought I'd be here, like this. I lived my life simply. I worked. I came home and slept, and I got up and started all over again. God, El… I don't know-"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "I know that whatever you have to tell me won't change the way I feel about you. I love you, Liv. I have a long time… nothing you tell me will make that feeling go away."

She wished she could believe that.

"Tell me…" he urged. "Let me judge for myself."

Olivia nodded. It seemed fair enough.

"I was strong as a child, I know I was… I dealt with more than other people do in their whole life. I had a mother who… yeah, well, you know the story," she smiled weakly. Elliot listened. "I was stronger than most women. I worked in this precinct for a long time, longer than most women can stand in our line of work, and I do it with a dignity. I face those perps every day, and I don't kill them… any of them."

Elliot frowned. "Did you kill someone?" he asked at his sudden realization.

She almost laughed. "Not yet."

"Liv…"

"I missed you. I know it was stupid and naïve of me to think that you might have wanted me more than HER, but I dreamt about you… too many times to count. Oh God, El, I missed you so much."

"I missed-"

"I know," Olivia continued. "I found a way to change my thinking. At least momentarily… I- I wanted to forget you, leave you in the past where you belonged. You'd only been gone a month and I was crazy. I was crazy in ways that my mother never made me, in all her years of constant… she never made me feel that sense of extremity before."

"What," he was getting impatient. "What did you do?"

"I am NOT proud of my actions," she told him with tears in her eyes. "I'm not proud of the things I did when you were gone, and if I could have changed them I would have…"

"I know," he could see that clearly from the regret in her eyes.

"I went to bars at night, to let off steam and there was this man there… I went home with him," she choked. "The next day I told him to leave and he never bothered me again, never even asked my name," she laughed bitterly. "I liked the feeling. I was lost and he… whoever it was, made me feel something for a few hours. Long enough to get a break from that aching pain in the centre of my chest," she held her heart now, where the pain had dimmed only slightly since his return.

"I'm sorry," he took her hand. "I'm sorry I made you feel so bad."

"I did it to myself… and now I'll pay for it."

"Pay for it?" he questioned.

"There was more than one man, El… who…"

He nodded. He understood.

"I was SO stupid," she cried openly. "I didn't think about all those things… things we talked about every day, you and me. Cases we worked on… I didn't want to think about anything ever again. I was breathing, but barely. I wasn't living, El. Not a minute you were gone."

He nodded again, his attention heightened.

"I checked myself two months ago, a regular check up… you know," she laughed again as if it were actually funny.

He didn't laugh.

"I got my results back… they're went good."

Elliot straightened up and removed his hand from her grasp.

"I have AIDS."

"AIDS?" he repeated the word as if it were foreign.

Olivia nodded.

He stood from his place beside her and moved quickly to the door as if he couldn't get away fast enough.

"ELLIOT?" she called after him. This was the one time she needed him to stay.

He shook his head and opened the door. "NO!" he called over his shoulder. "I can't even look at you!"

_OKAY… secrets out! What do you think? Are you shocked?_

_Reviews would be GREAT here… :)_

_Ps. Elliot's reaction was OVER THE TOP but since he has a temper, I figured it was okay to enter that here. But you're the reader, you tell me!_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: First and foremost, I am SO sorry to anyone if I offended them in ANY way. I can't say that enough. SO sorry… if you continue this story I will promise some form of a happy ending. And keep in mind, people can live for YEARS with this disease. _

_I hope you keep reading :)_

It was two days before Elliot had the courage to call her into one of the empty interrogation rooms, and with a heavy heart and hesitation, she picked herself up from the desk, in which she had been working, and followed him. He closed the door as she stepped inside.

Her eyes settled on his face, and she felt sick, he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"You're going to die…" he stated.

Olivia shook her head slightly and turned her eyes away. She'd thought about that too, it was ALL she had thought about. But she had been through the information with her doctor. "Not necessarily. If you had stuck around longer," she said bitterly. "I would have told you that it's not full blown yet… there's treatment and I could still live for years… it's still in the HIV stage."

"You can't have kids," he looked devastated.

"What does that have to do with ANYTHING?" she shot angrily. It had also been one thing she hadn't stopped thinking about, among others.

"Because I wanted to have-" he stopped talking, as if he realized what he'd said. "This changes EVERYTHING, Liv… I can't have all the things I wanted and you could DIE! Do you understand how that hurts me… a world without you in it, Liv… it's not fathomable. Do you understand that?" he was livid.

Olivia titled her head and watched him sadly. All the anger she felt towards him for walking out, suddenly vanished, she understood now that he had walked out because he had been both shocked and hurt. She didn't know that she wouldn't have done the same thing. "I'm sorry," fresh tears built up in her eyes. "I'm sorry… I didn't know this would happen, I was stupid and…"

"I can't kiss you…" he looked like a broken man as the realization crushed him. "That's why you pulled away and you didn't-" it was beginning to make sense to him now.

"It's not necessary the case, I didn't want you to… I wanted you to know before anything else-" she explained. "I… it would take buckets of saliva to catch it that way. It's usually transmitted through sex and blood… open wounds, that kind of thing."

Olivia burst into tears then, ashamed of having to have this conversation with him.

"Oh God, Liv…" he grabbed her by the shirt then and pulled her close to him, embracing her tightly. She cried on his shoulder, for what seemed hours, before she withdrew, and he handed her a handkerchief so she could blow her nose, and wipe her face.

For a long time neither of them said anything. He was processing the information now.

"Does anyone else know?" he asked eventually breaking the silence.

She shook her head looking exhausted. This conversation had left her drained and tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. "I don't want anyone else to know…" she panicked.

"Okay," he consoled her. "I won't tell anyone. But you might need to tell the Captain. He needs to know this Liv, so he can… he needs to know."

She nodded. "I know he does. But not yet… please, El. Not yet!"

He pulled her in for a hug again, and this time he kissed her cheek, lingering longer than he needed to. She looked up at him and smiled weakly.

"Can I tell you now…" he looked cautious.

Olivia grinned, forgetting for a moment that she was sick.

"No," she told him.

"Why not?"

"Because when you say it, I don't want it to be because you feel sorry for me."

He laughed. "That would NEVER happen."

"Well… just humor me," she said.

He kissed her cheek and took her hand. "Come on," he dragged to the door. "You look tired, I'm gonna take you home."

She nodded too weak to argue with him.

_I hope this made up for the last chapter. I know there were people who were shocked and saddened, so I'm hoping you liked this a bit better… :). _


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I thought this chapter could do with some light heartedness, HIV is a big problem and it doesn't need to be the drama focus for every chapter. So I thought you loyal readers, deserved a nice chapter… or two before the * hits the fan!_

Olivia stirred as her alarm clock buzzed in her ear. She leaned over to smack it quiet, and rolled back over. She didn't want to get out of bed she had every intention of laying here with her head under the covers, and her mind on Elliot Stabler.

The buzz of her cell phone went off, and she groaned.

She snatched it from the side table and saw that it was a message from Elliot.

HI LIV, HOW U DOIN?

She smiled as she punched the key pad, to reply.

SLEEPIN. NO DESRE 2 GET UP!

She dropped the phone on the bed beside her, as she waited for a response.

Thoughts crowded her head. She had HIV. It was the same thought that flooded through her mind every time she woke. It wasn't going away. This was the kind of mistake she would live with for the rest of her life… the kind of situation she could never escape, like the childhood her mother had bestowed upon her.

God, how had she been so stupid?

The phone buzzed again, causing her to jump from surprise.

GOOD. CUM WIT ME! PAK A BAG. I'LL B THRE IN 1 HR. xo

Olivia laughed. It sure sounded good. Where was he taking her? What was she supposed to pack?

She dragged herself out of bed, and threw in everything she could think of. Winter clothes, summer clothes, formal, causal, shoes, swim wear, and the everyday necessities. When she was done, she had two suitcases packed. She made a call to Cragen to take time off work until further notice, she had vacation time coming, and took a shower before Elliot arrived.

He met her at the door, and laughed when he saw the luggage she had waiting.

"I guess this means, you and I are going away for a while," he grinned.

She shrugged. "Guess so."

On the drive to the destination, the two laughed and played around like they never had before. The cases that they worked on left little room for humor, and for a change they were taking a different lightness approach.

Eventually, Elliot pulled the Sedan into a farm paddock, and she looked out the window, to see a log cabin.

Her face lit up. "WOW…"

"I rented it for a good price," he explained.

He pulled the car to a stop and climbed out, taking their luggage from the trunk of the car as Olivia stopped to admire the view.

"This is incredible."

He dropped the bags by the car, and crossed the green lawn to approach her. He pulled her into his arms. "YOU are incredible, Liv."

"I'm stupid, I-"

He pressed a finger to her lip. "Nope. There will be none of that. Not here… not now! We enjoy the holiday and the rest of the world disappears."

She sighed leaning against him. Yes, this was heaven.

_Not sure if I'll have another LIGHT one before the next drama, considering its SVU! Lol… you tell me :)_


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: I want to thank you all for sticking with this story. I do promise… AGAIN… a happy ending, and they will live HAPPILY ever after, but you have to push through the drama first, to see the light on the other side. :)_

"Wanna play cards?" Elliot asked as they sat side by side on the couch, as they watched the movie credits roll on the screen.

"No," she replied simply. She leaned closer against him, and he placed an arm around her shoulder. "I think we should talk about our options though…"

"Our options?" he questioned.

"I have HI-"

He averted his eyes instantly, avoiding her gaze. He didn't want to have this conversation. He was through.

"El, you have to-"

"Are we going to discuss your death? Because frankly this is a vacation, and I have NO intention of wasting it talking about crap. I'm not hearing it, Liv! I won't have any part in the idea that you won't live…"

"That's not what I'm saying," she insisted impatiently.

"So what are you saying then?" he shrugged.

"We can talk about OUR options, what we can do with what we have... if you even want to pursue this, El, it's a lot for anyone to take and I will understand if you want to bail. I won't hold it against you if you walk away from all of this."

Elliot shook his head with determination. "I have been with you for 12 years, I am NOT going anywhere. I love you… do you hear me? I am deeply in love with you, everything about you, and that means having to take the good with the bad. As long as I don't have to picture a world without your existence, then we can work through anything."

Olivia nodded, looking relieved.

"What about kids?" she asked bravely, holding back the urge to cry. She had always wanted to have her own children, but with the possibility of passing it on to any child she would carry in her womb, she wouldn't risk it. "How do you feel about never having our own children?"

Elliot smiled.

"What?"

"You said OUR!" he laughed.

"Yeah…"

"It sounded nice, that's all… OUR," he repeated.

Olivia slapped him playfully. "Shut up."

The conversation turned back to a serious note. "As long as we got a child to call OUR own, I don't see what the big deal is. I have five children, I want one with you… or more… but I'll leave that in your hands."

"You'd consider adoption?" she posed. It seemed to be her only option as far as children are concerned.

He thought about it only for a moment. Another child running around under their feet, a child that needed a home, needed love and comfort and parents. "Yeah… I would defiantly consider it if that was what you wanted."

"Really?" she smiled.

"Yeah," he nodded kissing her gently on the forehead. "I'd do anything for you, you know that right?"

I do now," she smiled.

"Liv?"

"Yeah…"

He seemed to hesitate. "Can I kiss you now?"

A wide grin spread across her face. "If you don't you'll never live to tell the tale…"

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. Time suspended, as their lips parted to deepen the kiss, her hands entwined in his hair, his hands braced the side of her waist to pull her closer. In all the years he had allowed himself snippets of imagination in believing how incredible it would be to kiss this woman, was nothing to the ecstasy he felt with her now.

"I love you…" she murmured against his mouth.

_I thought you all deserved that chapter. _

_Do you want more… review and let me know?_


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, it will get faster now… I was just working on another one until it was complete. I find it easier to do that, now, to work on one, and then I'll work on another… less pressure to upload faster, and I know that my chapters are short so I should be posting them faster than the average. Forgive me… and read on :)_

During the course of one evening, Olivia and Elliot were cooking dinner together.

Olivia barely knew how to cook anything, her mother had never taken the time from one of her bottles to bother teaching her the necessities of life, and for as long as she could remember she had always ordered take out when she wasn't working. Elliot had laughed playfully when he realized that she knew almost next to nothing about cooking, and took the challenge upon himself to instruct her as far as cooking went.

They went down to the store to collect some ingredients when they decided what they had in mind to cook, and after that they walked along the beach there, for a whole, hand in hand as they discussed the events of the day and what they planned to do when they adopted. What child they were looking for… did it matter the nationality, gender, age… and when they decided that, they chatted animatedly about names.

"I like Mahaliah," Olivia smiled at the thought of having a child walking side by side between them.

He thought about it for a moment. "You know they probably have a name already," he pointed out.

"Not if we get the child a few weeks old."

"True," he nodded.

"I like Henry!"

"Henry? It's so plain!" she grinned.

It was nice to be debating the more mundane things of life.

"Well I ain't naming my kid something weird like Apple or Coco or… some month of the year…" he argued.

Olivia folded her arms across her chest. "What's wrong with the name August?" she challenged.

"It's not a name," he shrugged playfully. "It's the month before September and the one after July,"

Olivia shook her head and laughed.

He pulled her against him as they walked and she tripped over his feet, causing her balance to falter, and she felt herself falling, she grabbed his shirt forcefully, and the two of them landed on the sand with a THUD, some of the groceries falling out of the bag.

She looked up at him covered in sand. "I love you…" she said simply.

"Shut up!" he groaned brushing the sand from his clothes and standing up.

She bit her bottom lip, and tugged at his pants, and he collapsed a second time into the sand, right beside her. He laughed this time, and pinned her down by her arms and folded himself on top of her. Their eyes danced playfully, and then she lifted her head only slightly before he kissed her.

As they kissed passionately, a thought struck Olivia, and it gave her the chills… when time came for the subject of sex, was it going to end badly?

He helped her to her feet a moment later, and they picked up the scattered groceries and walked back to the boat.

Elliot was mocking her when he demonstrated how to hold a paring knife. She wasn't completely incompetent, he knew, but he loved playing with her nonetheless. She didn't like being mocked about cooking, and seemed to take it to heart, she used the knife with force, and the agony that sliced through her hand made her scream.

"What?" he stopped and looked up from peeling the carrots, a look of surprise on his face.

She clenched her hand closed, as the blood oozed from her palm in where she had cut herself.

He saw the red and stepped forward, but her instincts took over and she threw herself backwards, ordering him not to move.

"What the hell?" he snapped.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" she barked.

"Liv, it could be deep," he pointed out.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she panicked. "If you touch me you could contract HIV!"

He groaned loudly. "Stop being stupid," he took another step forward, cautious this time.

But it only made her panic more. The thought of him being sick the way she was, the thought of having been the one to make him that way, was too much. She would NOT put him in danger.

"Right now I don't care," he stated. "Let me help you."

"NO!" she demanded. "STAY there! It's not deep," she flinched as she looked down at the oozing blood. She felt sick. "I'll fix it… go into the other room, I'll clean myself up and call you when I'm done."

"OLIVIA BENSON!" he barked.

She shot him a look then, that meant business, and he stepped back, getting the picture. She would not compromise on this, and for a moment he admired her for it. But he was still worried. He still wanted to make her better. He still wanted to help. "I'll get the first aid kit, and then I'll leave you be…" he promised.

She nodded. "You can just leave it on the bench," she gestured.

Elliot agreed, and disappeared into the bathroom to retrieve it.

_It was a touchy chapter there, but I felt that it was needed to stress the importance of this issue, and how easy it can come up in everyday life. Again, to anyone I offended, IM SORRY! _

_Reviews are wonderful… and so are whoever take the time to write one. I have a doozy of a chapter coming up, PURE gold… :)_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's for all the hopeless romantics out there and for E/O shippers were would love nothing more than for Dick Wolff, to realize that the public want them TOGETHER!_

_Happy reading and sorry for the long wait! :)_

After the blood issue, things calmed down some. Olivia made sure that there wasn't a possibly chance that the blood would go anywhere near him, and when she cleaned up her wound, she discovered it wasn't too deep at all. It could be fixed with a ban-aid, but she wrapped it after that anyway, just to be extra cautious.

Dinner wasn't enjoyed as much as they would have liked. An issue like that had taken the fun out of it, but they settled on the couch some time later, to watch a movie. As the credits rolled, Olivia turned to Elliot with a shy smile.

"I don't know what you feel on the topic but-"

"Yes," he answered instantly.

"Yes what…" she laughed. "I didn't ask anything yet."

"You were going to ask me about sex right?"

Olivia blushed. "I was,"

"Yes," he repeated. "I don't see the issue if we have protection."

Olivia smiled.

Elliot moved closer to her, and pulled an arm around her shoulder.

"Wow, you move quick," she smiled.

"I don't think 12 years is quick. I've loved you for a long time, Liv… a REALLY long time."

She stroked his check with her hand and leaned over to kiss his mouth. It was more powerful than she anticipated, and she hadn't quite been ready for it. Not on this emotional level at least. He pulled his arm around her and brought her closer to him. She gripped the material of his shirt, bunching it around his shoulder, and holding onto him as if she had waited more than 12 years but 50 years for this moment, for him.

All the pent-up emotion, all the high anxiety, all the love, hate and anger she'd ever felt for him, spilled into that one kiss.

He scooped her into his arms, carrying her swiftly into bedroom, supporting her back and under her legs, their eyes locked and wanting. Desire running high through both of them, she had never loved a single soul, the way she loved this man, she way she wanted him, ached for him, dreamed about him. Her emotions were strong, as was her desire as he led her into the bedroom.

He deposited her on the bed, and crawled over her, arching his body so that his weight didn't overwhelm her. She shifted beneath him, and smiled up at him; he took that as a hint to lower himself only slightly and kissed her mouth. Any fear she had possessed earlier seemed to evaporate in the moment, and she allowed his kisses to send her to another world.

_I am TERRIBLY sorry for the short chapter, I know it's undeserved and you guys have been amazing, but I'm working on several FF at the moment and it seems to be creeping up on me. Nonetheless I hope that the chapter was worth it, post a review and let me know… if you don't, I'll be evil and not give you another chapter EVER and you do want to know how or if they decide to have children, don't you… what will happen to them? Yes, I like playing God… hehehehe_


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Here is the next chapter… like it, hate it… LOVE IT!_

Olivia rolled over to face her partner. She was conscience of her nakedness and was surprised at how comfortable she felt in his embrace. This was something new to her, to both of them, the direction in which their relationship had taken.

"Goodmorning," he smiled widely leaning over to kiss her nose.

Olivia blushed. She could get used to this.

"Morning," she said.

"Sleep well?"

"Mm-hu," she murmured. "I could get used to this," she smiled stroking his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch and grinned.

"Oh yeah," he agreed.

"Did I tell you today, I love you," she said feeling overwhelmed with the emotions that flooded through her. When she was with him, all of her thoughts concerning her HIV seemed to vanish.

Elliot nodded and leaned over to kiss her softly. She moaned. "Yeah, baby, I know… but I am never tired of hearing it," he said.

"El…"

"Yeah," he waited for her to say something, as he watched her eyes fleet to a spot on the wall. He brought his hand to her chin and forced eye contact. "You can tell me," he urged.

"I wanna have a baby!"

His mouth formed an O and his expression slightly resembled a fish. "A baby?"

"Adoption," she confirmed. "I want to adopt a child. I'd never consider carrying a baby in my condition, but I want one, El."

He considered this.

"Adoption?" he pondered.

She chewed on her lip in anticipation. She was aware that he had other children, and was almost expecting him to think about it endlessly before deciding against it. She would understand, and it wouldn't change the way she felt about him, she loved him, he was hers now.

But his answer surprised her.

"You think we're ready now?" he asked. "Like, to start the process… I mean, don't you want to be married first or-" he realized what he'd said and blushed.

She only smiled. "I would love to marry you… and I know it's traditional to be married first, but I don't really think that anything the two of us do is traditional. Do you?"

He laughed. "I guess not. But marriage isn't ruled out?"

"Hell no!" she cried.

He pulled her closer and kissed her.

"El…"

"Mmm," she moaned.

"Marry me?" he asked gently.

She stopped and looked at him, shock surprise on her face.

_What does she say? Is she traditional enough to say yes, or does she even care? _

_Review and I shall give you the answer. :D_


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Okay… here's the next chapter._

"Are you serious?" her heart thumped wildly against the wall of her chest.

Elliot sat up and nodded. "Yeah, I am… VERY serious. I love you, Olivia, I have from the moment you walked up to me, from the second I saw you… I loved you. I will ALWAYS love you. If you marry me, or if you don't, I will still love you."

Olivia blushed.

"So… how's about it?"

She laughed nervously. "How's about it?" she repeated. "THAT is how you are going to propose. Not WILL YOU MARRY ME? Or, Liv, be my wife… HOW'S A BOUT IT?"

He blushed with what seemed like embarrassment. "Yeah, well, I ain't so great with the sappy romance stuff," he shifted over on the bed and drew her against him. "Does that mean you won't marry me?" he looked worried for an instant.

"Hell no," she smiled.

"Is that a yes, then?"

"Yes what?" she was teasing him.

He groaned and leaned over to kiss her.

"Marry me, Olivia Benson!"

"Is that a request or a demand?" she asked stunned by the harshness of his tone.

He grinned. "Both!"

"Mmmm," she pretended to think about it.

"LIV…" he groaned again, this time with immense impatience.

She took his chin in her hands and grinned. "I love you, Elliot Stabler… more than anything… how could I possibly throw away a dream that feels so perfect and tell you, no, when the desire to spend my life with you positively thrills me."

"That's a yes," he confirmed.

"That is a yes, a thousand times."

He kissed her again, and again and again, until they were breathless and laughing.

"Now we can have a baby…" she teased.

"I'll start making arrangements and filing the paperwork, this afternoon," he offered, adopting a more serious tone.

"Are you-"

He put a finger to her lips and shook his head. "Don't say serious!"

She smiled. "Elliot, are you sure about this. I can understand if you feel that we are moving TOO fast…"

"Do you think that?" he pressed.

She considered it. "No, I don't, but I've wanted this longer than you. I've been alone, while you had Kathy and-"

"It doesn't work that way," he pointed out mildly annoyed with her comment. "You can be in a relationship or a partnership or a marriage… and still be lonely!"

She nodded. "Yeah, okay."

"So, we agree then, we are not moving too fast. We are going to get married and adopt a child!"

Olivia laughed nodding.

It sounded like a sweet dream.

_The end is drawing near… both literally and writing-ly… lol. _

_I'd love a review or two… did you like, hate it, did you think it was shippy enough? :D_


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N:__** LAST CHAPTER**__… lots to wrap up… you'll like the ending though… I THINK! *raises glass* here's to hoping. :D_

It took time, patience and money to look into serious adoption, but Olivia was determined and so Elliot was right behind her supporting her to the fullest extent. She stood close to him at all times now, as if she were afraid that the moment she turned around the flooding of happiness she felt would vanish, and so would he.

As the days to their wedding drew closer, both found that work was considerably harder to keep up with. Elliot raised the subject of talking to the Captain, and this time instead of rejecting his advice, she agreed, and they both decided to tell him about their marriage and future plans, as well as her illness. Elliot thought that his office was too formal, and instead, they asked him for a drink at the pub after work.

Cragen said yes.

Olivia stood nervous at the bar, while Elliot chatted with Munch and Fin, distracting them long enough for Olivia to tell Cragen her news.

"I have something I need to tell you…" she confessed.

Cragen was a patient man, he had to be in his line of work, and he stood there now, waiting patiently for his team member to speak up. "Go ahead…" he urged when she stayed silent.

"I don't want to bombard you with too much at once, but it seems like the only way it's going to reach you, so…"

"Okay, well, what is it?"

She laughed nervously. "You want the good news first or the bad news?"

He pondered this thought. "The bad… then you can make me feel better with good news."

"I have HIV!" she stated matter-of-factly. There was no bitterness in her tone as she said it, she understood that this was her fate now, and she could still live with it. She had the support of a man she loved and whom loved her. She had a future to plan for. Olivia was happy, and she was positive.

"Is this a joke?" he wasn't laughing, nor did he see the humor.

"No, it's not," she answered seriously. "But it is manageable. I can still work, and live and play… I just have to be cautious. It's not an end-all situation," she stressed.

Cragen ran a hand over his head. "If this is the bad news, I can only imagine what the good news is," he groaned, struggling to get his head around it all.

"Are you ready for it?" she smiled.

Cragen shrugged.

"Elliot and I are getting married!"

"Holy hell!" he snapped. "That was quick!"

"Not really," she denied. "We're also looking to adopt…"

She waited for the roll of the eyes, and the fainting from the overload of information. But it didn't come. Instead, Cragen pulled her to him in a tight embrace of warmth and love.

"I am incredibly proud of you," he whispered.

"Thank you, Captain," she blushed.

He pulled her at arm's length. "Does this mean you're quitting your job?" he looked disappointed.

"Not yet," she shrugged.

Cragen seemed pleased with that.

"HOLY HANNAH!" Munch's voice boomed. "Married? Hell… that means a celebration," he hugged Olivia and whispered in her ear. "If you get divorced, make sure you get the better half of everything," he winked.

Olivia laughed.

"Good for you, baby-doll," Fin said reaching out to hug her.

Olivia was overwhelmed with happiness.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

The weather on their wedding was somewhat of a fairytale. It was just warm enough to feel the sun soak up their skin, but not so much that it burned through. Olivia looked like a princess in a Vera Wang dress, off the shoulder, and fell gracefully to her feet, her hair was pinned back elegantly and she had never looked more beautiful. Elliot was handsome in his tuxedo, and his smile was wide and evident of his happiness, as he stood with his son, Dicky, who was his best man, at the Altar. Munch, Fin and Cragen standing beside him for support.

All of Elliot's girls were Olivia's bridesmaids, along side of Alex Cabot, Casey Novak and Melinda Warner. The wedding party was as big as an army, but no one seemed to mind. Both Olivia and Elliot were just cautious of making sure that everyone was included and no one was left out.

The ceremony was incredible, and the guests were endless.

They exchanged simple vows, and kissed as husband and wife in front of a crowd of many.

Three days later Elliot drove his wife to the orphanage, in which they were adopting from.

"I think we should talk about work before we go in there," Elliot advised resting his hands on the steering wheel.

Olivia looked across at him, with a slight frown.

"What do you want to talk about?" she leaned back in the passenger's seat and smiled. She was about to become a mom, but she was slightly nervous.

"Are we going to hire a nanny to look after the kid, or…"

"Are you asking me to give up my job?" she asked actually contemplating the idea. She would have to retire eventually there was no better reason for her than looking after a child. The prospect was not overwhelming.

"Not if you don't want to," he stressed. "I know that I don't. I love my job, and I know you love yours. But we both want this… don't we?"

"Yes," she nodded firmly. She decided to be 100 percent honest with him. "I do. Very much, but I'm afraid to give up my job… I know that it sounds dumb, but I've been on my own for SO long that the idea of leaving my life to someone else to take care of, to bring in the money… to-"

Elliot nodded. "I understand," he said. And he did.

She sat silently thinking about it. "Do you think that Cragen would let me work selected cases?"

"What do you mean, part time?" he questioned.

Olivia nodded. "I could be home most of the time, and on occasion when I could be of help to the team, I could hire a babysitter, and come in for a few hours or…" she wondered if it could work.

"Wanna talk to Cragen first?" he asked looking at the building in which they were supposed to enter minutes ago.

"No," she smiled. "He'll give me my answer. If he says no, and I'm not sure he will, then I'll be more than happy to be a stay-at-home mom. Don't get me wrong, it will be a new adjustment, and it will make me nuts being at home. But I have to learn to cook sometime…" she grinned teasingly.

Elliot laughed.

"Have I told you how much I love you," he said leaning over to kiss her.

"Not today," she shrugged.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

A few minutes later they walked hand in hand up to the orphanage door.

_THE END!_

_Are you happy with it… a review tells me so. :D_

_Ps. Thank you to all those you read, alerted, favorite and reviewed… I love you all. Happy future Fanfic-ing… :)_


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